I sat in silence staring at the perfect rear elevation of my two dear friend’s Tuscan styled villa.. The perfect Ojai morning transformed my soft exhalations into tiny clouds that orbited my head. My head became the planet host of these diminuitive cumulus vapours. I was a camera. Taking emotional photos as I scanned the stucco, windows and cast iron railings of the small balconies. I have been in this exact place countless times. Continue reading
to become self appointed harbingers of bad news. SOME RECIPIENTS OF THIS NEWS HAVE INFORMED ME OF LATE OF THIS “MORBID ACTIVITY. I AM NOT ONE TO STAND IN THE WAY OF ANYONE’S JOY, BUT I ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS HERE. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, UNLESS I’M REALLY AS OUT OF IT ANDAS BADLYOFF AS THE MESSAGES YOU HAVE BEEN SPREADING WITHOUT MY AUTHORIZATION, BUT REFRESH MY MEMORY…
I’m not sure having never been diagnosed with the “condition. But I’ve always felt that I suffered from low grade depression. It has been more of an “armchair diagnosis based on assumptions made by a drummer, artist, not a psychologist . Why am I writing about this ? It seems that one of my most frequent visitors are “depression and lonelinesss” they seem to arrive at the party at the same time and are usually the last to leave. Continue reading
“Yes!, Life is short!. Does life stop when you lose someone you love? OR BECOME ILL? DO PEOPLE STOP LIVING BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOST SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR HAVE BECOME ILL? DOES THIS MEAN THAT LIFE AND PEOPLE ARE CRUEL AND UNCARING? DO YOU FEEL THAT IMPORTANT THAT LIFE AND EVERYONE IN IT HAS TO STOP TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR LOSS AND SHOW YOU THE COMPASSION THAT YOU FEEL ENTITLEMENT TO? Continue reading
Today is a day I had planned for the past few days now that I’ve started to sleep again . I’ve been off those horrible things called steroids. I was looking forward to a day of listening to music and making many more additions of ink sketches and some text into what was one of my journals, but has somehow morphed into a repository of random emotions and I guess you can call them snapshots of my inner dialogue. Continue reading
AND SOMETIMES I’VE JUST GOT TO LET MY MIND RUN AND SPRINT WITH OUT BEING ENCUMBERED WITH A PURPOSE But I DO DESPERATELY NEED SLEEP………APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE being that this is just free forming.
I took the liberty of transcribing some of Marvin’s Facebook notes with his permission…
Benjamin Kanarek Continue reading